Welcome to a special “Double Take” Edition of Insider Tips.

J. Conrad Frank (Photo: Werner Images)

About three years ago, I was enjoying a Saturday lunch at the late lamented Blue restaurant in the Castro when I glanced across the room and spotted a tall lanky fellow with a handsome profile that struck me familiar. I racked my brain trying to figure out where I recognized him from before finally catching his eye and asking him where he worked, assuming I’d seen him at some shop, bar, or cafe I frequented.

“I’m a performer,” he said, introducing himself as Conrad. In that moment, it all clicked—I’d seen his face for weeks, made-up and bewigged, in advertisements for a Christmas show he was performing as his drag persona, the Countess Katya Smirnoff-Skyy. What a strange—and slightly embarrassing—sensation it was, to realize that I’d not been able to break through my perceptual gender wall to recognize Frank’s striking, singular face out of female context.

Well, Frank—who’s performed male roles in local productions of The Temperamentals and Sweeney Todd over the past year as well as doing regular gigs as Katya—is taking gender-blending one step further as the first drag headliner at San Francisco’s Penthouse Club, in a special Divas! Cabaret Brunch on Sunday, September 16.  The club—regularly packed with conventioneers and other afficionadoes of authentic boobage—advertises with the slogan: “Where the magazine comes to life.” Well, next Sunday, we can amend that to “Where the magazine comes to life…for those of us who read the Forum column with a cockeyed perspective.”

We’ve asked Conrad to answer our Insider Tips questionnaire below.  And if you click here, you can read Katya’s answers to the same queries.

This Friday, July 20, the historic Fairmont Hotel will promoting its pet-friendly policies by hosting a furry fashion show from 1:30 to 2 p.m., spotlighting Artychokers dog collars and fashion accessories. It’s a free event, but show up early: The Fairmount’s opulent lobby  is a draw in itself. And San Francisco is absolutely crazy for canines.

But why?

Well from my own past experience as a gay bachelor and the tales I hear from my unattached gay male and straight female friends, it may have to do with the fact that its mighty tough to find a decent fellow in this town. “Men”—it’s been said, in exasperation—”are dogs!”

Conversely, perhaps dogs are men. Or at least role models—perhaps even acceptable short-term substitutes—for men. They certainly express many of the traits we wish for in our guys: loyalty, unconditional affection, willingness to have dinner whenever we say its time.

That’s the concept behind “Gentleman Norman: How to Be A Man,” in which a wise old pomeranian serves as a sort of “man whisperer,” providing advice on grooming, etiquette, wardrobe, and relationship maintenance to hapless guys who aren’t quite up to the civilized standards of an over groomed Polish puppy.  The Gentleman himself (along with owner Laura Martella) will be special guest hosts at the Fairmount event, with books on hand for selling and signing.

Adorable? Charming? Barking mad? I think the book of Norman is quite akin to The Book of Mormon: bizarre, out-of-touch with reality, and highly amusing.

Some proceeds from sales of the book will benefit Alzheimer’s and Cystic Fibrosis charities.

Go behind the scenes for  Gentleman Norman’s Fairmont photo shoot video after the jump Read more…

Author Rob Rosen (left) and husband in their beloved Castro.

Local author Rob Rosen is a travel fanatic, and it comes through in his cheeky gay novels including the Sin City romp Divas Las Vegas, the Hawaiian hijinks of Hot Lava, and his latest, Queerwolf, an unlikely blend of road trip, erotica, and horror story. Between  flights of imagination, Rosen—a native New Yorker who’s also lived in Atlanta— makes his home with his husband (a travel agent!) in the Noe Valley neighborhood, or as Rosen dubs it “Stroller Central.” We asked him where he points visitors in San Francisco…

The Castro, which is a gay cultural institution. There my hubby and I can see just about every breed of fabulous queer: leather daddies, lesbians, twinks, muscle queens, drag queens, bears, straight guys clutching their girlfriend’s hands, every race, every size, every age, coming from all over the world to catch a glimpse of how awesome it is to be gay in San Francisco. Fine, it’s a gay ghetto, but it’s our gay ghetto.

Corona Heights, just above The Castro and below Twin Peaks. It’s a nice hike up and virtually no tourists know how to get there or even that it’s there to begin with, and yet the view is nearly 360 and spectacular.

Valencia Street, which is a couple of miles of nothing but shops and restaurants and bars, all with a decidedly funky and young vibe. It’s also affordable, compared to the rest of the city, and teaming with people, mostly cool and hip and local.

Nothing beats Velvet Cantina in The Mission. Awesome margaritas in a quirky setting, with the friendliest waiters (all men and all nice-looking) in the city. The bar fills up with locals and the music is fun and fast and just loud enough that you won’t go deaf. And the chips and salsa are stellar.

Farallon is our favorite fine dining restaurant. It’s downtown and easy to get to, the menu is ever-changing, the wait staff is exceptional, and the decor/atmosphere is both elegant and upbeat. We’ve never had anything but a great time and are always treated well. And save room for dessert because it’s exceptional!

My other half and I love Cafe Ethiopia on Valencia Street. It’s family run, authentic Ethiopian, super cheap, and always delicious.

Well, the irony in this: San Francisco really is the most beautiful city in America, as any guidebook will tell you. So go ahead and do everything in the friggin’ guidebook!

A fabulous (fictional) view at the Palomar Hotel

There’s a 100% guarantee that your view of the bridge will never be obscured by fog in the newly tricked out Golden Gate Suite at the  Palomar Hotel.

Sure, that’s because the “view” from room 512 is a giant, 5-window decal—the Palomar is located way across town from the bridge. Still the whimsical window treatment, headboard, and pillows capture the spirit of the city’s year long celebration. And the nightstands and coffee table–by local artist Richard Bulan—are made of actual bridge steel, salvaged when a pedestrian handrail was replaced in 1993.

Meanwhile, the Hotel Vitale is also jumping on the Golden Gate bandwagon by promoting its views…of the Bay Bridge.

As it happens, San Francisco’s other glorious span is in the midst of its own 75th anniversary year (The Bay Bridge opened to traffic in November, 1936).  For all the Golden Gate hoopla around town these days, the Vitale will become the place to stay come autumn, when the Bay Bridge begins its two-year display of The Bay Lights, Leo Villareal’s site-specific art piece. Over 25,000 white L.E.D bulbs positioned along the west span will be triggered by traffic, weather, and the sway of the bridge to create ever changing patterns of illumination over a mile wide and over 200 feet high. That’s one hell of a night light for your hotel room.

Sweet view from the Vitale Hotel: That's not the Golden Gate either!

Lewis DeSimone

Last night, I had the pleasure of joining novelist Lewis DeSimone at a City Arts & Lectures event where John Irving discussed his new novel, In One Person, which chronicles 50 years in the life of a bisexual man.  DeSimone’s own new book, The Heart’s History,  focuses on four years in the life of a circle of gay Bostonians.

DeSimone’s fellow local literary luminary Michele Tea has praised The Heart’s History for its perspective on ”the slow assimilation of a larger gay culture that used to be more angry and badass.”

DeSimone studied at Harvard, but has made his home in San Francisco for 19 years now. He lives in the midst of the Castro, but has badass insider tips that will take you all over town…

What’s your favorite cultural institution in the city?

Davies Symphony Hall.  It’s a beautiful space, with great acoustics and comfortable seating.  One of my favorite events of the year is the Symphony’s opening gala.

How about your favorite view?

My favorite view in the city is from the top of Market Street, when the whole skyline just opens up before you.  My favorite view of the city, though, is on 101 south, when you emerge from the Waldo Tunnel just before the Golden Gate Bridge. Even though I know what to expect by now, every time that view of the bridge and the city emerges, it’s miraculous.

Where do you recommend for shopping?

I love to stroll along 24^th Street in Noe Valley.  It has wonderful little shops and restaurants, and the street life is totally charming.

Dim sum, fine dining, and sightseeing tips, after the jump

Read more…

The Bay Club provides an escape from the office from early morning to late at night

Alas, the San Francisco Agenda’s restaurant coverage doesn’t only show up online.  It also shows up on my waistline.

Which led me to visit Bay Club San Franciso, one of the city’s swankiest gyms.

Frankly, “gym” doesn’t cut it. With five squash courts, 11,000 square feet of yoga and pilates studios, two indoor pools, a full-size basketball court, and a relentless schedule of group exercise classes, this sprawling, light-filled facility at Greenwich and Sansome near Levis Plaza is a daily vacation of sorts for many of its members, who avail themselves of the club’s free shuttle services that zip Financial District workers to and from the club on a regular loop that runs from 6:15 am to 8:45 pm.

If you bus over to the Bay Club for a work break, you may find it suits you to spend the rest of the day here. The enormous locker lounges offer sitting areas with plasma televisions running stock tickers and sportscasts, and there are quiet, glassed-in cubicles where you can plug in a laptop and get some work done between laps in the pool and shvitzes in the steam room. The spacious café has soundproof glass walls overlooking the squash courts where you can enjoy a light meal. And with wifi that flows as freely as the sweat here, you may find the Bay Club more conducive to accomplishment than your office space. Watching the constant parade of ruddy post-exercisers certainly provides far more inspiration to work out than the jellybean jar on your receptionist’s desk.

Pilates and yoga are offered one-on-one, and in group classes

Once you’ve succeeded at knocking out both your work and your workout, reward yourself with a treatment at the club’s full-service Sanctuary Spa. Spa services are also available to the general public…and if you get a facial or massage, you get full access to the Bay Club’s facilities all day.

Blue me!

Full disclosure:  This week’s San Francisco Agenda is being remotely blogged from one of the world’s other great coastal metropolises, Rio de Janeiro. As I wrapped up business at home last week, I wanted to prepare myself for the boys from Ipanema. While a Brazilian waxing was definitely not in the cards, I asked the cheerful crew at Castro Nail Salon go to town on my toes. I’m gonna look sandalicious on the beach with these blue chrome cuticles, no?

Even when I have no big holiday on the horizon, a session at the Castro Nail Salon makes for a great mini-getaway—or a vacation within your vacation if you’re in SF as a tourist. If you can finagle a midday break during the work week, CNS offers a terrific special: manicure and pedicure for $29. And this is no rush job—you get a good hour in the vibrating massage chair, sipping on a complimentary glass of white wine (or iced green tea, but what the heck, midday drinking can be as therapeutic as blowing off work to get one’s nails done). On Sundays, mimosas flow freely.

Last Thursday afternoon, I had my nails Smurfified amidst a gaggle of sexy servers from A16, a shmancy Italian eatery in the Marina District—they were having a polish party to celebrate one of their birthdays. They gossiped about a French model named Florian who was dating one of their roommates and was alleged to have what is referred to in Paris  as un grand bite. The young lady in the chair next to me massaged my shoulder in empathy after my left foot went into paroxysms of cramping while stuck in the toaster-oveny contraption where my digits were drying.

I set out into the evening with nothing but new flip-flops on my mind. I still had another day of work ahead, but it felt as if my vacation was already underway. At the Toe-pa, Toe-pa-cabana…

In a food-frenzied city like San Francisco, it’s remarkable that the gay-centric Castro neighborhood has been something of a culinary wasteland. But the Stro’s reputation as a vortex of grinding and black hole of dining has begun to evolve over the past couple years.  Alternatives to Jell-O shots, pizza slices, burritos, steam table dumplings, and penis-shaped Hot Cookies have been arriving at a nice clip.

Chef Erik Hopfinger

Worthy newcomers include tapas emporium Canela, dependable Starbelly with its lovely tented porch, and the nationally acclaimed Frances.  The latest addition to that list is Jake’s on Market, a versatile new watering hole in the space that housed longtime favorite 2223. Jake’s owners Tim Travelstead and Brad Becker (the restaurant is named for the couple’s son) have collaborated on a menu that ranges widely in both its dishes and its price points, with a clear intent to build a clientele of neighborhood regulars as well as diners from further afield.

Chef Erik Hopfinger—a season four Top Chef alum—has cooked at Butterfly and Circa, but it feels like he’s hitting his sweet spot with the slightly upscaled comfort food he’s presenting at Jake’s (Dude’s straight, but I wouldnt be surprised if they form a fan club headquarters a few blocks away at the 440). His smarts show up in an appetizer that our server deemed “The Tupac and Biggie of Crabcakes,” a pairing of two tablespoon sized morsels, one—on the West Coast of the plate—made from fresh Dungeness crab and accompanied by Meyer lemon aioli; and a second—on the East Coast—composed of Chesapeake blue crab with Old Bay aioli. Its a clever presentation, and there’s no doubt you can taste the difference between the Pacific crab’s sweetness and the Atlantic’s salinity.

Read more…

North Beach has long been one of San Francisco’s most popular neighborhoods for an early evening stroll. It’s dense with terrific little tourist spots, from one-time Beatnik hangouts like the Vesuvio bar and Lawrence Ferlinghetti’s still-going-strong City Lights Books, to Diego Rivera murals, to the Church of Saints Peter and Paul with its creepy statue of Saint Lucia holding her eyeballs on a platter.

While a perfectly pulled espresso has never been hard to find in this historically Italian American enclave (Try the legendary Caffe Trieste, or the wedge-shaped Mario’s Bohemian Cigar Store) dining options have tended to lean heavily toward the heavy: Mega-portions of red sauced pasta and other Little Italy staples.  But last year saw the welcome opening of Campanula Kitchen, a great spot to drop by for nibbles and drinks without weighing yourself down.

Shareable late night savories: pork belly dice.

And sweets: ice cream finger sandwiches. (Photos: Campanula Kitchen)

On the sunny southwest corner of Washington Square, Campanula’s floor-to-ceiling windows provide a terrific view of the comings-and-goings of the neighborhood’s dramatis personae (hipster artistes, Sicilian grannies, Chinatown cool kids, and, yes, the dreaded gentrifiers). Look up a little higher and take in one of the best views of Coit Tower in town. Now, turn your attention to the menu of small plates.

Chef-Poetess Dominique Crenn (Photo: Atelier Crenn)

Like it or not, Dominique Crenn is going to play with your food. At Atelier Crenn, the most provocative restaurant to open in San Francisco over the past year, the Versailles-born queen of poetic cuisine presents carrot cake in the form of a carrot, accompanied by peas in the form of sorbet. She serves fish filets atop river rocks, and pâté in the guise of bamboo.

Crenn pays exquisite attention to every visual and textural detail of the four or more scrupulously composed courses that make up your prix-fixe meal. You’ll pay close attention too, because you’ll be trying to maintain your balance as you walk a fine line between appreciating Crenn’s art and eating dinner.

Sometimes you’ll wobble a bit.

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